i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
