i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
