We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
