is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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