We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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