So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
