That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
