my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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