dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
