she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
