I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
one might say we're banned from that church
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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