So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
