I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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