I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
