last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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