his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
