I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
