1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
