I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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