he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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