Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
