You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
