I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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