I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
