It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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