i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
