Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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