Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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