He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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