tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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