I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
