And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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