i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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