Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
