I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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