Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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