I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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