I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
