Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
