After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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