my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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