remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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