bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
