Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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