Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
