True but thats because hes a fetus.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
