You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
