how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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