Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
