Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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