Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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