I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
