I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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