well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
