i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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