Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
