I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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