I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
