So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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