Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
