I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
