with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
