Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
