How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
