While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
