his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
