she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
where are you?
Hypothermia
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
