it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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