I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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