Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
