Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
