I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
