I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
