tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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