They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
