This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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