You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
worst night to have a conscience
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
